December 2011
5 posts
RT @gdimelow: Hitchens: “The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” Maybe if he’d tried them …
I’m not hungry. I’ll just have some of yours. @shitgirlssay
Don’t you mean: I hope I’m the xfactor winner so I don’t ever have to go back to Middlesbrough #amelia #xfactor
RT @badbanana: If you’re already drunk and making toast, good luck figuring out if you’re having a stroke.
RT @shelbyfero: “Are you talking to me?” - guy who almost gets quotes right
November 2011
5 posts
First Kelly is a no show. Now the whole show hasn’t turned up #xfactor
If this memory foam mattress could talk..
Its the most important joke of the day “@jondaly: I’m doing breakfast jokes. I’m also doing breakfast yolks… Into omelettes! #hashbrowns”
American Horror Story is superb #fx
I’ve always wanted shoes that remind me of my own mortality! @ToniLeoni @MarcVachonla: Skull printed MV HiTops ROCK!! http://t.co/p7nVjDzR
RT @SarahKSilverman: Even posthumously, Bukowski is responsible for countless drunks who tell themselves they’re artists.
October 2011
2 posts
RT @Kurt_Vonnegut: Life happens too fast for you ever to think about it. If you could just persuade people of this, but they insist on a …
September 2011
6 posts
I always have doubts about someone who dresses in mainly one colour. #exceptblack
GUS FREROTTE #quarterbacksBetterThanRomo #headbutt #butthead
“Be richer by buying this”
Two best, & least rapey QBs in the league, head to head #packsvssaints #NFL
Photo: Requiem for a dream, poster, rework http://t.co/fHGacw2
May 2011
8 posts
Game of thrones has no black people in it and the guy from the Tesco ads in. #midsummermurders #justsaying
“I know how you feel”
#patheticfallacy #anthropomorphicsomethingorother #thisbaglookssad http://t.co/Lk0QLIt
RT @aparnapkin: Do little kids ever turn it OFF?! I get it, you have a big head, eccentric gait, & questionable opinions! Mini versions …
America to avoid another Bin Laden situation, from now on, treat everyone like a terrorist when they board a plane #Osama #tip
Photo: Imma assassinate Tyler http://t.co/Cuc5FkU #goblin
cover pic from “The man inside me” Dr Tobias Funke #arresteddevelopment http://t.co/gjIWvH2
RT @Disalmanac: UPDATE: bin Laden had been living in a large mansion with his young trophy wife. Experts still aren’t sure when he becam …
did you know the word for sharks in Finland translates as “bears of the sea”? LCMDF taught me this. ♫ http://blip.fm/~146zxx
April 2011
11 posts
RT @jimmycarr: Hitler killed himself today in 1945. Which is great news as we have a reason to keep all the bunting up.
not a newey but a goodie. send me you current select cut please @DangerDrew @Tom4681 ♫ http://blip.fm/~1452zg
only thing I dislike about summer is that it is an excuse to get your tattoos out. #tattooareforlifenottojustpissyourparentsoffwith
My goal: to be fearless and as comfortable as a cat on a bean bag #quote
#srilankan government commits #genocide & terrorists use human shields #un report http://t.co/SJJ0bH4 #channel4
When the elephants fight it’s the ants that get trampled on #quotes
“@bluenunlew: Is this a sick joke? RT @bbc3tv: *NEWSFLASH* New series of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps starts with a double bill
Acting so dumb. For my own safety, don’t want to leave the house, natural selection has a good opportunity to get me today. #d’oh #stupid
January 2011
5 posts
I’ve stopped haemorrhaging followers. Last time I say anything non derogatory about Yezze.
I forgot to put a cover on my TPS reports #myattentiontodetailisshit
#myattentiontodetailisship
I want to see #Vick get assaulted like a Roethlisberger sexual partner. Sorry, I mean beaten like a dog #gopackers
Key to keeping a Newyear’sresolution is make it realistic. Day 5; did my daily press up & managed not to go on a murder/ death killing spree
“and that’s when the CHUDS came at me” #newyear
December 2010
23 posts
I gave 2010 a Madmax type ultimatum. It didn’t have the balls to keep going. #sayhelloto2011 #2010killeditself
RT @davidschneider: Here’s my review of the LibDem’s annus hypocriticus. There may be jokes. http://bit.ly/fwfEI8
If I had a doll I could show you #airportsecuritytouchedmeinmyspecialplace
Do not fly Qatar airlines. I REPEAT DO NOT FLY QATAR. #ithoughtairtravelwasacunttheniflewQaarairlines
Snow stopped me flying to sun & sand. Snow made that “Crunch Runch” noise as i walked back from the airport. It is hard to stay mad a snow.
I like cricket but I wouldn’t put a ring on it #ashes
the phone reception on my camera isn’t very good #thingssomepeopledonthave #iphone #orange
They say the human body is nearly 70% water. Now true, right now, i am nearly 75% snot. the rest is mucus and self pity. #flu